Good morning beautiful friends..just a quick note to share today as I have lots on my to do list...thinking very hard about being 17..not me obviously but my beautiful first born who is stressing out big time about assessments, money and life in general...being a parent is so hard sometimes...trying to know the right thing to say, trying to be a role model, trying to be strong enough to put guidelines in place when necessary...this morning I had to tell her that she's just not managing her time well and her reactions and overreactions to everything are stressing the whole family out....on the one hand I just want to hold her while she cries and tell her everything will be ok and that she's beautiful and perfect and the world is just waiting for her to shine...on the other hand I have to be stern and tell her that she'll have to cut back on coffees with friends, parties, going to the gym because she's just not managing to fit it all in and with only three months left of high school she needs to prioritise her activities....this sounds very calm and rational when I type it but imagine it to the backdrop of tears and yelling and "I'm just not good enough and I'll never be organised, thats just me, I cant change etc etc" Any advice? Anything? I'm struggling here....
On a happier note I started working on some paintings using the cropped images from my last post....here's the first titled " Some Enchanted Evening" 20 x20cm on plywood
and here's another on a little 10x20cm piece of ply that was being used as a palette until I decided I had to put the luscious texture to good use...."The elevated state of bliss"
Enjoy your Tuesday...I'm off to tackle that list! :)
Comments
I remember one time, my daughter had a friend that was the youngest of three sisters, the parents had no control of the girls, when they tried to enforce something the girls ended up fighting with them literally, my daughter told me that ***** actually hit her mother and they had a slapping match! I said to Kirsten that she should think about that, and how wrong it was for a child to slap their parents, or any one to hit anyone... she told a few weeks later how she had seen a fight with one of the sisters and the mother, and was sad that they could not talk about things, it always ended with emotional anger. I think the parents had not set bounderies, been consistant,enforced consequences when the girls were younger, oh what a struggle!
It's hard as a parent, you have to let them fly, test their wings so to speak, best thing to do is fly with them, be their friend, quietly trying to guide them in the right direction! But then, sometimes you have to stand your ground for their own good and protection, you are a parent after all.
I think as parents we could talk all day long about kids, what we did, what we should have done, your children certainly have a good stable home, loving parents, I'm sure they will be fine, a bit of advice from a nanna...just listen to them lots, always know who their friends are, know what they are doing and who they are doing it with.
Hugs
Acknowledge the pain/problem (cause it's real to her) eg...'Yes I can see/feel.hear/ what you are saying and I can tell its got you really worried....
(active listening really works)
Then 'Ok...in a perfect world how would you like things to work out for you...(listen)....
Then 'Ok then...well how can I help you to get it right? What can I do to help you find a solution to this?
Give the problem/solution back to her by giving her you love and support but only in helping her to work it out.
Tracy...this works...you're her sounding board her strength and always a 'a safe place to fall', knowing that you take her problems seriously, giving the credibility that she needs, assisting her to find solutions not solving the problem for her works when all of this is wrapped with unconditional love.
I know this because this is how my clever hubby helps me when I get a far too stressed out :)
You're a wonderful, wonderful mother Tracey...stand strong in that love and always have a cuddle ready for her...
love Jann x
i want my coffees and expensive paints and everything else exactly when i want them! good luck with that;-) your art is lovely and you seem to handle it all very smashingly!
xo
P.S. I adore your art!!!
I do wholeheartedly agree with Jann about the mirroring...sometimes it makes things calmer for them to know they are being heard. Also, just staying calm yourself helps. I try really hard to keep my voice level even when they are getting louder.
Again...this WILL pass! Love her through it.
P.S. Your art is amazing
As a parent including an 18 year old daughter who finished her hsc last year, and a high school teacher I hear you. The advice I offer is - unconditional love and communication. Be there, it is a very pressured year for them with massive demands with practical subjects at this part of the year. Remind her this year does not define her for the rest of her life, and at least come exam time she will already have ticked off half of a couple of subjects, and as someone else so eloquently put it "this too shall pass", love and light. mx